29/04/06 Mood: meh, legs hurt.
Eeeeh, a month since i last updated! oops.
anywho, tunisia, was cool. v cool. lots of sun. i went to the sahara desert and rode a camel how fucking cool is that?! yeah and I nearly got sold to some guy...
so life lately has been alright, aunty Christie died last thursday. or maybe it was friday. i can't remember now. but i went to her cremation yesterday adn i don't knwo why but i laughed. while everyone else was crying, i laughed. not loudly but i laughed to myself. i couldn't really say why. when we got outside all i wanted was to see that black smoke rising from the chimmney. had to wait a while till i saw it, but at hat moment i knew there was nothing left to cry or be sad over.
it's weird but for a while now I've never been incrediby, purely happy. I laugh, i find things amusing, but can I just say 'I'm happy'? no. i've been living on a high of sugar for a while now...study skill at school is boring me to tears. school is ok, the peeps in my classes cheer me up, but the south gym crew don't exactly stir feelingd=s of great happiness inside me. I find some of them so...unrealistic. 'OMG Leah ruined my life 'cause she hugged David when she knew i was there...' See my point?
even retail therapy has started to lose its effect. and that sucks majorly.
but whats even worse is when people i know are down. and i can't think of a thing to say in comfort or whatever. it's like my complete lack of compassion has stranded me in this incredibly difficult situation. and i hate it. i can only hope that the root of this problem. well i can't say sort itself out. 'cause i know thats not going to happen. I still can't believe some of those comments. so unappropriate, if only they knew. if only they bothered. jeez they have alot to thank that person for. a whole fucking lot. I still don't know what to say to him. Help me out people, i don't wana lose him, and i know i might say something incredibly stupid. :(
so here's a big 'fuck you' to that bitch we call 'Life.'
25/03/06 Mood: good but achey!
hurrah! finished woodford festival today aaaaaand got the shiny 'senior cabaret' trophy, which is for combined highest marks in the senior section for tap, modern and song and dance. unfortunately I seem to have pulled the muscles in my neck during my modern solo (ouch!) and it now hurts to more my head. been balancing a hot/cold compress on the neck for the past hour...
Going ice skating with Lee-Lee tommorow. hehe that should be fun. Got her the new hawthorne heights CD for her birthday (she chose it) aaaaaaaaand i made her card too. it rocked. Twas cream coloured card, with Fall Out Boy, Aiden and Gerard way on the front, took me ages to do it, and I ended up not doing my maths h/w. Mr Cassar has promised all the peeps that didnt do it a detention...dunno if he will actually give us one though.
giselle last week was soooooooooooooooooooo amazing! it was nice to just sit back and watch somebody else do the dancing for once.
i sooo can't wait for charity week. its gonna be great! i'm soooo gonna sponge mr cassar! evil greek bastard. and theres a charity gig wiht some bands in the theatre on wed, gonna check that out too, but i aint gonna sit! i'll move those chairs outta the way if i have to. and on thursday got a half day in non-uniform cos im gonna go do another 'carribean fisher folk day.' y'know, running the pot shop is sooo much fun. especially when they run at you screaming 'i want some pot!'
and i'll be off one holiday on sunday to tunisia! w00t! i hope there's some fit guys at the hotel...teehee.
:D I'm soooo excited about this week!
16/03/06 Mood: -__-
ugh...I should be happy. But I'm just not. I wouldn't say I'm depressed. I'm not suicidal. I dunno. Last lesson was pretty fun. haha Rob electrocuted himself, incredibly stupid but incredibly amusing. going to see Giselle tonight at the Cliffs. I hope i can just sit back and relax and watch the ballet without picking up on any mistakes. is it wrong of me to demand perfection? I don't think so. in a way thats kinda what ballet is, looking perfect and elegant and graceful and dancing correctly.
I guess I'm a demanding person and slightly a perfectionist because of ballet. always striving to be perfect.
but what is it that's getting me down? I really don't know. And it scares me that I don't know. I should be happy. Oh and i forgot to go to the career library today. oops. At the moment i have nowhere to go for work experience. i just hope i dont end up in maccy d's. that'd just be incredibly crap. i cant imagine myself saying 'do you want fries with that?' *sighs* lets see if i cheer up in the enxt week... oh and speaking of ballet i got 1st in my ballet solo. pretty pleased about that, even though i did do quite a few things wrong. nevermind.
Oh and I've been talking to god lately ( its a chat robot). i can't be bothered to put the link up.. but yeah..whatever...
10/03/06 Mood: Chocolate induced happiness
Thank god for chocolate. and Emily.
Y'know I cried in school for the first time in 3 years today, during last lesson; IT. I don't know why. I was just so down and energyless, which really sucks. Lee weren't too happy either, which didn't really help. So I was listening to my sad playlist, which probably didn't help either.
IT is such a depressing lesson aswell. I really needed that cry though. Emily is such a star for sorting me out, we spent all of the lesson sitting on the floor in the loos just talking. I think everyone is generally down at the moment. Who knows why?
Oh and I suppose I owe a mini thanks to David, for cheering me up for 5 mins or so. I know I hid the fact I was on the verge of tears when he started talking to me, but for a moment while I was talking about playing guitar my eyes dried and...well thats it really.
I'm glad I got that out of my system though and when I got home today I dug out some money and went and bought myself a BIG bar of Dairy Milk caramel, oh and a plain one for my mum for mother's day. So now I'm currently in a chocolate induced state of happiness, waiting for my dinner and to go to Hayley's house later.
Dad picked up my new cupboard doors today^^ They're sooooo cool! They even have mirrors on. Oh and I gotta go Woodford tomorrow...meh..getting up at 7.30...
Oh and new word: 'wemo' Emily guessed what it meant straigh away: wannabe emo. The girls round south gym (bar meg and gabi) are such wemos! They were chalking 'emo' on their blazers when they're not even emo! They don't listen to the emo..and well..you get the idea....
So...thats it really. My eyes are dry now, and it's highly unlikely I'll cry again any time soon. Thanks to everyone that was concerned, I appreciate you care about me, one day I might know why I cried at school today.
01/03/06 Mood: Excited!!!
OH MY BLOODY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!! Me and Lee are gonna go see Fall Out Boy on May 25th!
I'm soooo excited! I ordered 2 standing tickets ^^ dad's gonna drop us off, and ma ain't tagging along! Just hope I don't squished in a mosh pit...
Other than thats its been a pretty crap day...got sooo out of breath after hockey, played right-mid and I was running like sooo much. Well not as much as Ali..but still, pretty much. Yeah I was like, short of breath all lunch, which sucked, I actually had ear ache in both ears, chest pains, a sore throat aaaand my teeth were cold.
Yeah I know thats weird.
Oh and got onto MSN2Go at school, but it got blocked after a while >< which sucks.
Dancing wasn't paticularly interesting...
But still...
TONI GONNA GO SEE FALL OUT BOY!
Eeeeh, a month since i last updated! oops.
anywho, tunisia, was cool. v cool. lots of sun. i went to the sahara desert and rode a camel how fucking cool is that?! yeah and I nearly got sold to some guy...
so life lately has been alright, aunty Christie died last thursday. or maybe it was friday. i can't remember now. but i went to her cremation yesterday adn i don't knwo why but i laughed. while everyone else was crying, i laughed. not loudly but i laughed to myself. i couldn't really say why. when we got outside all i wanted was to see that black smoke rising from the chimmney. had to wait a while till i saw it, but at hat moment i knew there was nothing left to cry or be sad over.
it's weird but for a while now I've never been incrediby, purely happy. I laugh, i find things amusing, but can I just say 'I'm happy'? no. i've been living on a high of sugar for a while now...study skill at school is boring me to tears. school is ok, the peeps in my classes cheer me up, but the south gym crew don't exactly stir feelingd=s of great happiness inside me. I find some of them so...unrealistic. 'OMG Leah ruined my life 'cause she hugged David when she knew i was there...' See my point?
even retail therapy has started to lose its effect. and that sucks majorly.
but whats even worse is when people i know are down. and i can't think of a thing to say in comfort or whatever. it's like my complete lack of compassion has stranded me in this incredibly difficult situation. and i hate it. i can only hope that the root of this problem. well i can't say sort itself out. 'cause i know thats not going to happen. I still can't believe some of those comments. so unappropriate, if only they knew. if only they bothered. jeez they have alot to thank that person for. a whole fucking lot. I still don't know what to say to him. Help me out people, i don't wana lose him, and i know i might say something incredibly stupid. :(
so here's a big 'fuck you' to that bitch we call 'Life.'
25/03/06 Mood: good but achey!
hurrah! finished woodford festival today aaaaaand got the shiny 'senior cabaret' trophy, which is for combined highest marks in the senior section for tap, modern and song and dance. unfortunately I seem to have pulled the muscles in my neck during my modern solo (ouch!) and it now hurts to more my head. been balancing a hot/cold compress on the neck for the past hour...
Going ice skating with Lee-Lee tommorow. hehe that should be fun. Got her the new hawthorne heights CD for her birthday (she chose it) aaaaaaaaand i made her card too. it rocked. Twas cream coloured card, with Fall Out Boy, Aiden and Gerard way on the front, took me ages to do it, and I ended up not doing my maths h/w. Mr Cassar has promised all the peeps that didnt do it a detention...dunno if he will actually give us one though.
giselle last week was soooooooooooooooooooo amazing! it was nice to just sit back and watch somebody else do the dancing for once.
i sooo can't wait for charity week. its gonna be great! i'm soooo gonna sponge mr cassar! evil greek bastard. and theres a charity gig wiht some bands in the theatre on wed, gonna check that out too, but i aint gonna sit! i'll move those chairs outta the way if i have to. and on thursday got a half day in non-uniform cos im gonna go do another 'carribean fisher folk day.' y'know, running the pot shop is sooo much fun. especially when they run at you screaming 'i want some pot!'
and i'll be off one holiday on sunday to tunisia! w00t! i hope there's some fit guys at the hotel...teehee.
:D I'm soooo excited about this week!
16/03/06 Mood: -__-
ugh...I should be happy. But I'm just not. I wouldn't say I'm depressed. I'm not suicidal. I dunno. Last lesson was pretty fun. haha Rob electrocuted himself, incredibly stupid but incredibly amusing. going to see Giselle tonight at the Cliffs. I hope i can just sit back and relax and watch the ballet without picking up on any mistakes. is it wrong of me to demand perfection? I don't think so. in a way thats kinda what ballet is, looking perfect and elegant and graceful and dancing correctly.
I guess I'm a demanding person and slightly a perfectionist because of ballet. always striving to be perfect.
but what is it that's getting me down? I really don't know. And it scares me that I don't know. I should be happy. Oh and i forgot to go to the career library today. oops. At the moment i have nowhere to go for work experience. i just hope i dont end up in maccy d's. that'd just be incredibly crap. i cant imagine myself saying 'do you want fries with that?' *sighs* lets see if i cheer up in the enxt week... oh and speaking of ballet i got 1st in my ballet solo. pretty pleased about that, even though i did do quite a few things wrong. nevermind.
Oh and I've been talking to god lately ( its a chat robot). i can't be bothered to put the link up.. but yeah..whatever...
10/03/06 Mood: Chocolate induced happiness
Thank god for chocolate. and Emily.
Y'know I cried in school for the first time in 3 years today, during last lesson; IT. I don't know why. I was just so down and energyless, which really sucks. Lee weren't too happy either, which didn't really help. So I was listening to my sad playlist, which probably didn't help either.
IT is such a depressing lesson aswell. I really needed that cry though. Emily is such a star for sorting me out, we spent all of the lesson sitting on the floor in the loos just talking. I think everyone is generally down at the moment. Who knows why?
Oh and I suppose I owe a mini thanks to David, for cheering me up for 5 mins or so. I know I hid the fact I was on the verge of tears when he started talking to me, but for a moment while I was talking about playing guitar my eyes dried and...well thats it really.
I'm glad I got that out of my system though and when I got home today I dug out some money and went and bought myself a BIG bar of Dairy Milk caramel, oh and a plain one for my mum for mother's day. So now I'm currently in a chocolate induced state of happiness, waiting for my dinner and to go to Hayley's house later.
Dad picked up my new cupboard doors today^^ They're sooooo cool! They even have mirrors on. Oh and I gotta go Woodford tomorrow...meh..getting up at 7.30...
Oh and new word: 'wemo' Emily guessed what it meant straigh away: wannabe emo. The girls round south gym (bar meg and gabi) are such wemos! They were chalking 'emo' on their blazers when they're not even emo! They don't listen to the emo..and well..you get the idea....
So...thats it really. My eyes are dry now, and it's highly unlikely I'll cry again any time soon. Thanks to everyone that was concerned, I appreciate you care about me, one day I might know why I cried at school today.
01/03/06 Mood: Excited!!!
OH MY BLOODY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!! Me and Lee are gonna go see Fall Out Boy on May 25th!
I'm soooo excited! I ordered 2 standing tickets ^^ dad's gonna drop us off, and ma ain't tagging along! Just hope I don't squished in a mosh pit...
Other than thats its been a pretty crap day...got sooo out of breath after hockey, played right-mid and I was running like sooo much. Well not as much as Ali..but still, pretty much. Yeah I was like, short of breath all lunch, which sucked, I actually had ear ache in both ears, chest pains, a sore throat aaaand my teeth were cold.
Yeah I know thats weird.
Oh and got onto MSN2Go at school, but it got blocked after a while >< which sucks.
Dancing wasn't paticularly interesting...
But still...
TONI GONNA GO SEE FALL OUT BOY!
